if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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