i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
