ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
