Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
