wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
