Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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