I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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