ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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