I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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