Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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