Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
