4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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