I got chris browned last night
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
