You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
