Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
