woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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