we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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