i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm having to shit out rocks
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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