No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
