sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
