Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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