forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
