If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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