Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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