Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
