Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
