Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
