hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
