this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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