he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
