mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize