Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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