he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize