Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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