Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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