shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
