My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
