youre lurking in front of me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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