she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
