She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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