I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
