I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Barsexuality is the new black.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
