Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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