So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
