So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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