My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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