dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
