the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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