Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
why is half of my head shaved?
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