I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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