so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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