Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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