in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
