he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
