So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
