What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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