somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
