Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
